Jack: Oh noes my plan to get us all off this island by putting my hands over my eyes and thinking really hard has not only failed but has killed Jin and Rose
Sawyer: Man you’re a douchebag
Jack Yes… well anyone else have ideas about how to get off/ explode the island?
Hurley: Sorry dude but we all took a vote last night and we are going to hang you dude
Jack…… hmmmmmm that makes me sad but as a man of reason I have to agree with your conclusion.
(The Losties start to hang Jack when a strange figure with a cape on jumps out of the woods)
Strange Figure: Hello castaways before you get rid of that meddlesome! doctor! Would you reprobates like to know the secrets behind this island?
Sawyer: Just spit out whatever you have to say Kal-El….
Strange figure: Silence !! you pop culture insult spouting anti-hero! Kneel before me for I am Debeckalow!! And I am the reason you are all here! You see for years!!! I have tried to gain my rightful place as grand lord dictator of earth!! but the rest of the world!! Was all being a dick and saying” you can’t do that and….”
Kate: So wait you behind this all? The crash? The island? The others? Darma? Greg? The smoke monster?
Debeckalow: I met the smoke monster many years ago in a IRC chat room devoted to furries!!! He shall sit at my right hand when I become grand lord dictator of the world!! Or maybe I will just throw him somewhere in my civil service!!!! Anyway yeah I pretty much did all that evil shit
Jack: Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Debeckalow: because Im evil
Jack : Okay just asking.
Debeckalow: All the evil I did on this island was just a test-run for when Debeckalow strikes the whole world!!! You were all test subjects. See I wanted a annoying male lead doctor, a hot female lead chick, a more dark cajun anti-hero, a big fat guy, and that guy you know who was on Growing Pains.. and Perfect Strangers.. and ER I think.. OH YOU KNOW THAT GUY
Bernard: It is nice to have your work be appreciated
Debeckalow: Now there is nothing that any of you can do to stop me!!!
(the real Locke shows up out of nowhere) Locke: Hey guys when I was dead I had a dream where Mr. Eko showed up and said that I must use his stick to defeat debecklow or whatever his name is
Debeckalow: fools! No mere stick can defeat me! (Locke hits him with Eko’s stick)
Dbeckalow: Oh fuck I was wrong (falls down dead)
Jack: Jon thank you for saving us. We always used to fight each other over the eternal question of faith vs reason and today we found out the answer . The answer being that Dbeckalow was a huge dick.
Sayid: The only problem is how are we getting off this island now?
(Just then a boat comes to the shore of the island and Desmond comes out) Desmond: Hey brother need some transportation brother?
Jack: Sure pal
Desmond: And just to entertain you all the cast of the Jersey Shore is here!!!
Mike The Situation: Yo I think we got a situation here.
(A few hours later Jack and Kate are walking on the beach)
Jack: You know Kate maybe one day we will be married
Kate: What should we name our kids??
Jack: If it’s a boy maybe we can call him Hurley, or Jin or how about Charlie?
Kate: Just don’t name him the smoke monster!
(Jack and Kate lol a lot and walk into the sunset )
