POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS OF SUPER-HEROES

Political affiliations of Superheroes

Spider-Man: I think the fact that Spider-Man is a young person from NYC who comes from a maybe lower-middle class background and always seems to be having cash
problems would make him a liberal Democrat

Superman: Grew up in the heartland and seems to be a law and order type
so I think he would lean to the GOP. On the other hand he is a illegal immigrant and works for the MSM

Batman: Also a law and order type but his insistence to never use a gun
or kill criminals may make him a Democrat or at least a moderate
Republican. Perhaps he would like Ron Paul.

The Green Arrow: As us superhero fans know, Ollie is on the left. In
real life he would  have been a member of OWS and love the Rachel Maddow show. And conservatives would always use him as an example of left-leaning celebrities.

The X-Men: Well as a persecuted minority, X-Men would
be liberals. However I could see some people on the far-left thinking
that The X-Men never really do anything for mutant rights and just
fight other Mutants. I could see seem some bloggers writing negative
things about them and also being a little bit more supportive of Magneto.

The Hulk: HULK MISSES OLD TIME MODERATE REPUBLICANS LIKE NELSON ROCKERFELLER. HULK DOES NOT AGREE WITH LARGE PARTS OF TEA-PARTY AGENDA.  TRUE THAT HULK WANTS A LIMITED GOVERNMENT BUT HULK ALSO FEELS THAT SOME THINGS THAT PUNY PUBLIC SECTOR DOES CAN NOT BE REPLICATED BY PUBLIC SECTOR.

Iron Man: Sure he sells weapons but at times he feels very bad about it. Maybe a swing voter.

Captain America: His politics was formed in WW2 so he remains a new deal democrat.

Thor: Yeah I can't see Thor really caring.

 The Punisher: I have a feeling he was the one that was writing Ron Paul's newsletters.

Daredevil: Trial lawyer.

Edgy Comic Strip Reboots

The carbs will get ya in the end buddy.

Nowadays nobody would accuse newspaper comic strips as being hip and edgy.  In fact as  superhero movies based on comic book characters make billions and the graphic novel has become a respected art, newspaper comic strips remain bland or even worse ( IE: facing cutbacks thanks to the declining influence of the newspaper) here are some storyline ideas that can make old stodgy comic strips hip again.

Blondie: Dagwood wakes up one day and figures out that his life is a repeating series of the same gags over and over again and that his family has not even aged in decades. Then his wife puts him on a low-carb (no sandwiches) diet and Dagwood cannot take it anymore so he leaves his family without warning to become a drifter/hobo and travels the nation looking for meaning in today's Lana Del Ray and Doritos Locos Tacos kind of world. Meanwhile absent her husband‘s salary, Blondie is forced to sell the house and movie in with a devious Mr. Dithers who wants her all to himself.  Also Dagwoods’s mailman misses his routine of running right into Dagwood when he is leaving for work and starts to run in to random people as a way to find HIS own search for meaning his life. The first year of comic strips would end with a divorced Blondie agreeing to marry Dithers. Dagwood later sees a story about it in a newspaper that he was using to sleep on. Will he make it on time? Will the mailman find the help he needs?

Dennis the Menace: Since Breaking Bad has become so popular how about a story where Mr .Wilson finds out he has cancer he wants to make sure that his wife Martha will be financially secure so he does the only sane thing and starts cooking meth with Dennis. Along with Dennis’  pal “skinny Joey” they have a number  of loveable adventures that will make you believe that Mr. Wilson is the man who knocks.

Peanuts: This classic comic strip ended in the year 2000 and has been reprinting strips ever since that time, but how about a hip version for today’s internet kids?  Instead of Charlie Brown being hated for being a blockhead he is hated for his lackluster Tumblr page and the bad lighting in his pro-brony youtube videos. Instead of Schroeder liking classical music he is into dubstep.  Instead of Lucy pulling away the football from Charlie Brown she beats him in various online zynga games.  And of course Snoopy would be a lolcat.  And over time we would have animated specials like “lol ur acting like a noob Charlie Brown”   

RIP Christopher Hitchens

               The world has lost a great thinker/drinker.

Family Matters

Ah Family Matters, the anchor of the TGIF lineup. Without Family Matters giving them a lead in at eight, would Step By Step have been able to stay on the air for like 20 years? I think not. What makes Family Matters differ from other bland family TGIF shows is that what started out as a simple down to earth sitcom about a middle class African-American family in Chicago later turned into a show about that family’s relationship with a 14 year old nerd that lived next door.

When Family Matters started way back in the year of our lord 1990, the show was a average sitcom about a fat ass cop named Carl Winslow who has to deal with his wacky kids (Eddie, Laura, and Judy,) his bitch of a wife Harriet, (seriously all she did in eight years of the show was make bitchy comments to her husband) Harriet’s sister Rachel and her son, and last but not least Carl’s sassy mom. The average plot would be something along the lines of “Eddie changes his report card so he gets all A’s!! Will he tell his parents?! But later in season one, everything changed. We saw the debut of Steve Urkel (played by Jaleel White), a 12 year old kid with a cartoon 1950’s nerd outfit on and a cartoon sounding voice to match who liked to stalk Laura. The character was a big hit with the kinds of people who makeup sitcom studio audience's and it was clear that the world would be seeing more of Steve Urkel.

Normally in a situation (Not THAT situation) like this you would think that the powers at be at Family Matters would see that Urkel was a interesting character, a foil for Carl/Laura and decide to make Urkel a recurring character who would maybe someday make the opening credits. This was the case for the rest of season one which had Urkel pop up a few more times. However at the start of season two of Family, the direction of the show totally changed. Not only was Jaleel White added to the opening credits, but almost every episode of the show revolved around Steve Urkel somehow (“Urkel burns down the restaurant, Urkel does the “Urkel dance” Urkel builds a fucking Urkelbot that fights crime). With the show revolving around Urkel most of the other characters (except for like Carl, Eddie and Laura) seemed to come and go/change into other people as they please.

As the years went on the show started having many sci-fi based storylines. For example Urkel invented a transformation chamber where the nerd could change into different personalities such as Stefan Urkel (A cool version of himself), Bruce Lee Urkel, and we can not forget Elvis Urkel. Steve also created a time travel device called an “Urkpad” (hey better name than IPad). The strange thing about those inventions is that the other characters on the show did not act like Urkel creating those inventions was a big deal. Nor did Urkel become rich and famous for inventing time travel for fucks sake.

Next time I will go over some of the characters on the show one by one. I will also try to get to the bottom of what the hell happened to Judy Winslow.

A last note on Lost.

We just have about 24 hours until the last episode of Lost. With the state of network drama (procedural shows about cops and lawyers and navy people who act like cops and lawyers) this is likely to be the last pop culture moment for network drama for a long time. So what will happen? Will we find out that Clare was really twin autistic sisters in a Clare suit all along? Will Vincent the dog be the one to take down MIB? will MIB get a name? Will we find out why Miles is still alive? Will Ben find out that Jeff Goldblum is dating Alex in real life? We will all know the answers to this tomorrow night when the internet will be yelling about how they messed up the whole series.

The worst way Lost could end

Jack: Oh noes my plan to get us all off this island by putting my hands over my eyes and thinking really hard has not only failed but has killed Jin and Rose

Sawyer: Man you’re a douchebag

Jack Yes… well anyone else have ideas about how to get off/ explode the island?

Hurley: Sorry dude but we all took a vote last night and we are going to hang you dude

Jack…… hmmmmmm that makes me sad but as a man of reason I have to agree with your conclusion.

(The Losties start to hang Jack when a strange figure with a cape on jumps out of the woods)

Strange Figure: Hello castaways before you get rid of that meddlesome! doctor! Would you reprobates like to know the secrets behind this island?

Sawyer: Just spit out whatever you have to say Kal-El….

Strange figure: Silence !! you pop culture insult spouting anti-hero! Kneel before me for I am Debeckalow!! And I am the reason you are all here! You see for years!!! I have tried to gain my rightful place as grand lord dictator of earth!! but the rest of the world!! Was all being a dick and saying” you can’t do that and….”

Kate: So wait you behind this all? The crash? The island? The others? Darma? Greg? The smoke monster?

Debeckalow: I met the smoke monster many years ago in a IRC chat room devoted to furries!!! He shall sit at my right hand when I become grand lord dictator of the world!! Or maybe I will just throw him somewhere in my civil service!!!! Anyway yeah I pretty much did all that evil shit

Jack: Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Debeckalow: because Im evil

Jack : Okay just asking.

Debeckalow: All the evil I did on this island was just a test-run for when Debeckalow strikes the whole world!!! You were all test subjects. See I wanted a annoying male lead doctor, a hot female lead chick, a more dark cajun anti-hero, a big fat guy, and that guy you know who was on Growing Pains.. and Perfect Strangers.. and ER I think.. OH YOU KNOW THAT GUY

Bernard: It is nice to have your work be appreciated

Debeckalow: Now there is nothing that any of you can do to stop me!!!

(the real Locke shows up out of nowhere) Locke: Hey guys when I was dead I had a dream where Mr. Eko showed up and said that I must use his stick to defeat debecklow or whatever his name is

Debeckalow: fools! No mere stick can defeat me! (Locke hits him with Eko’s stick)

Dbeckalow: Oh fuck I was wrong (falls down dead)

Jack: Jon thank you for saving us. We always used to fight each other over the eternal question of faith vs reason and today we found out the answer . The answer being that Dbeckalow was a huge dick.

Sayid: The only problem is how are we getting off this island now?

(Just then a boat comes to the shore of the island and Desmond comes out) Desmond: Hey brother need some transportation brother?

Jack: Sure pal

Desmond: And just to entertain you all the cast of the Jersey Shore is here!!!

Mike The Situation: Yo I think we got a situation here.

(A few hours later Jack and Kate are walking on the beach)

Jack: You know Kate maybe one day we will be married

Kate: What should we name our kids??

Jack: If it’s a boy maybe we can call him Hurley, or Jin or how about Charlie?

Kate: Just don’t name him the smoke monster!

(Jack and Kate lol a lot and walk into the sunset )

Hey dudes remember me?

After taking a break for a few months I felt that now was the right time for my huge Elvis style comeback to the blogging world. So look for more posts about early 90's cartoon's political blogs, and whatever the hell other stuff I can think of. Now here is a video of a 3 year old talking about Star wars.